Dating can easily become an unpleasant job. You’ll find yourself still in bed and not dressed, with only 30 minutes until you should be heading out the door. Then, like at work, you’ll text your friends throughout the entire date ranting about how you’d rather be at home. They’ll respond hoping to enlighten the experience but in all actuality, they can’t relate. They have a significant other, sis. Why are you the only one out the crew failing and frustrated with dating? Well, dating doesn’t come with a handbook and unfortunately, it’s usually this one issue that makes dating frustrating.
First, every date setting should be in a comfortable environment where consent is respected. And once you arrive, begin this date (whether it’s the first encounter, third, or last) liberated from all desires of beneficial gains. I’ll explain this in more detail. It’s extremely common for individuals to start dating with a notion that the only way a relationship will work, is if that person is beneficial to them. Kinda' like the low co-pay and discounted Disneyland tickets from your job that HR won you over with.
For instance, I was taught to only seek a financially stable man that could afford my bills. I’ve always been surrounded by women telling me, if a man can’t take care of you financially you shouldn’t be dating him. So, along with most of my peers the Bills, Bills, Bills song was constantly on repeat in the 90’s and No Scrubs became my anthem. I have nothing against the message provided by Destiny’s Child and TLC, because in hindsight their message had plenty of truth to it.
However, as I became older and always single, I realized there are more important elements to dating. If dating is constantly approached with a mental checklist of benefits, a solid relationship will never form. Unhappiness is what will happen. Finance and character seeking from relationships are always rooted from insecurities. You can’t seek anything from anyone that you haven’t already found in yourself. Therefore frustration is not from your dates it’s with yourself. This isn’t a job, this is a valued life experience- called dating.
Don’t fret, I came with an idea. Next time a date is arranged try entering the setting with a mindset to seek ways that you can benefit your date. Leave your self- seeking at home. Use the date as nothing more than time to get acquainted and find areas in your person of interest where your love and endearment can help.
This is how you’ll know when you’ve found the right person. Time spent together will go by quickly, and it won’t feel like dating anymore. You’ll become good friends and share many things amongst each other. Soon you’ll notice ways that they’ve benefited you with qualities that were never on your checklist. That’s the real beauty in dating. True love could start to form and surpass all your expectations.