Has that heart-rending moment came, when you realize your relationship may have ended and you will never look at this man the same again? Ugh. The pain from arguing can become unbearable and women are usually the first to walk away. We end the relationship and leave everything we once cared so deeply about behind. I’ll admit I’m accustomed to this dreaded separation, but recently when I tried to exit my legs became planted and I could not walk away.
Some friends labeled me as fool because they witnessed my sacrifices and emotional investments in this man, only to then witness those actions not being reciprocated from him. He was fuckin’ up big time, leaving me perplexed and on a one-way trip to *crazyville *. However, deep down I knew there was a disconnect somewhere and I wasn’t leaving this situation until I figured it out.
During one of our many arguments, he stated these perceptions of what he thought I wanted in this relationship. Tuh! It was nothing near what I wanted. This relationship wasn’t mine it was all his and he had no idea what I needed. I finally found the disconnect and I decided to teach him how to love me. I wasn’t going back to the single life that easy. Nope, it was time to stand up for my love and myself. Here’s the lesson plan that saved my relationship.
Warning: A man will only be teachable if he is willing to go to school. Have a conversation and ask him to let you take the lead for a while. If the love between both of you is solid it will not allow either one of you to walk away without fighting first. However, if you’re dealing with a relationship drop-out, don’t sweat it, pack–up your love and move on to someone who is willing to learn and appreciate you.
Okay moving on … get ready for real love!
1. Be Vulnerable – This includes work for the woman in the relationship too. You have to lose all fear of embarrassment and heartbreak. Clear your heart and be susceptible to every component of love (even the not so fun parts). For example: kiss him whenever you feel the urge, tell him you love him in public, and cry whenever you feel a tear coming. Got gas? Let that out too sis, don’t be embarrassed his love for you should be unconditional (JK don’t trust me on that one). By being vulnerable he will see you in a pure, spontaneous state which will reveal your honest self. It’s the only way to teach him what hurts, what heals and what makes you smile.
2. Answer His Questions Completely – Stop giving one word answers (especially when texting). A man’s pride is attached to them at every second of the day. If your man decides to push his pride to the side and ask a question regarding your relationship do not become annoyed- rejoice! Answer his question and make sure he completely understands what you are asking of him. Teach him.
3. Don’t Go on Dates, Introduce Him to You: It’s Saturday, you don’t have plans and you haven’t posted on IG in handful of days. Please don’t turn this predicament into a basic date. Don’t scroll through Groupon and drag your man on the cheesiest activity on there just to waste time and snap pictures. Ask yourself, does this interest you? Is this activity a way for you and your partner to bond? This is a key component to the disappointment you may feel about the gifts given during birthdays and holidays. He’s buying those stupid gifts, because he doesn’t really know what you like. You’re not introducing him to you, you’re just going on dates. Next time spend the day playing a game or walking around the neighborhood. The two of you should be really learning how to have fun doing anything.
4. Don’t Apologize for Your Feelings
I’ll keep this short and sweet. If he hurts your feelings, own those hurt feelings. Remember to be vulnerable. Never apologize for how you feel, always express how you feel with your partner. If he disagrees with your emotions have a conversation about it. Do not hide how you really feel behind an apology.
5. Patience and Privacy: Unfortunately it takes men a lengthy amount of time to adapt to change. The results of teaching him how to love you will not come over night. If you decide to rush him it will only make him run. During this time of teaching both of your emotions will run rampant. Be sure you keep those trials sacred and private between you two. Keep your friends, family and especially social media out of your relationship until it is stable again. Remember you’re teaching him how to love you, everybody else may not understand.
6. Hold Him Accountable for Promises He Made to Himself and You: I hope today is the last day you hand over an excuse for his actions (or lack of actions). You are a queen suited only for a king. If he cannot fulfill his king role mentally and physically for himself, he most certainly can’t fulfill the requirements for a queen. Hold him accountable for all of his failures. This will groom him into being the best version of himself and trust me he will appreciate it in the end.
The results from these actions I took in my relationship has been monumental and provided a feeling of appreciation I’ve never experienced before. I know I catered these guidelines to a woman teaching a man, but truthfully these guidelines taught me as well. I learned how to be the partner he needed and not what he wanted. By him being open to my teachings, I fell even more in love. Honestly, I’ve never been this comfortable and secure with another human being in my entire life. Love is finally fun again. And most importantly we created our own love, intricately crafted and built to fulfill both of our needs.